Interview with the Chicken By Philly Blunt
Humidity, heat swells, weeks with no rain, these are all characteristics of a Michigan summer. One often looks for the perfect location to cool off. The Saturday I went to interview the Chicken, a lifelong Kalamazoo resident, was no different. I could barely breathe on the drive from Battle Creek to Kalamazoo's student ghetto. I wondered how the Chicken could remain cool and Funky on a day like this. Approaching the interview site there are sounds of splashing and laughter. Once around a large wooden gate you get the full view of the Chicken's chateau. There is a large swimming pool with beautiful women frolicking in the sun between swims. Stoo Dawg and a few of the Chickens boys float from one side of the pool to another on rafts. Grazzo, a large stuffed Walrus, is used as a make shift football and tossed from side to side of the pool. In the middle of all this the Chicken floats on the most pimped out raft you have ever seen. It's purple and big as a small bass boat. Adorned with a drink holder and a large air pillow it sets perfectly in the middle of the pool as if anchored. This situation seems to fit the Chicken well. In the midst of beautiful women, constant splashing, walrus tossing, and the occasional smoke down the Chicken seems a million miles away in an astral plan of funk. The Chicken floated up seeming indifferent to the interview.

Q. Where does Nick stop and where does the chicken begin?

Chicken: Isn't a snake a snake? What happens if a child falls of a merry go round? The snake fits in there!

Q. Is it more important to be funky or consistent?

Chicken: It is important to be consistently funky at all times regardless of the environment. One must apply the funk to all aspects of life without mercy!

Q. What is the Chickens favorite movie?

Chicken: "Dude, where's my car." It came out at a pivotal turning point in society. The movie has something for everyone.

Q. What is the best drum moment on Drunken Scum Funk?

Chicken: The way the ride cymbal sounds on the bridge in the song GodDamn.

Q. What about some of the crazy rumors about the Chicken; you have stuck a carrot up your ass before a show to be more Funky, that you are a closet necrophiliac, that you have a foot long drumstick to administer the funk behind closed doors?

Chicken: No comment on the carrot story. I am not into dead chicks. No comment.


To say the Chicken is elusive would be a huge understatement. This comes from peoples lack of ability to understand the Chicken's Zen like lifestyle. The Chicken told me about The Jive Turkey, a rival from the Jacktown Hustlers. The turkey is constantly trying to steal the funk and according to the local lore has a serious case of Chicken envy. What I found most interesting about the Chicken is the side of him few see. The Chicken told me of his hobbies, potato sack racing and his involvement in the local moose lodge. The Chicken has a long time girlfriend and gave me a few romantic pointers regarding smoked salmon and the perfect dinner settings for that special someone. The last question I asked the Chicken was how he would like to be remembered. Floating away on the pimp raft, eating a Cannabis Crispy Treat the Chicken yelled, "As a fucking classic! My life would be the greatest story ever told!" Lets hope the story doesn't end any time soon!

Until Next Time....